GROWTH
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Nursing Journey: Reasons why
I remember constantly getting the question "April, why do you want to become a nurse? That's so filipino of you". Yes, I am filipino but I chose to become a nurse for different reasons other than my race. In the beginning of the program I actually didn't know why, but I knew God was telling me it was meant for me.
The first reason was that I found joy in helping people. Growing up, I was known to be the "kind/nice" one. That everyone would turn to me if they needed help. Whether it was emotional or physical help, I was there. A part of me really enjoyed the feeling of helping someone. It like a warm feeling in my heart whenever someone appreciates me. I find it very fulfilling to put others before myself.
The second reason was that I wanted to do it for my mom. Growing up my mom wanted to be a nurse but she couldn't afford in the Philippines. If she could do it she would, but she didn't have the financial support like I do. Everyday I am grateful I can afford school and have this opportunity in Canada. Everyday I appreciate everything my mom has been through for me. So for this, I'm doing for her.
Lastly, I loved the idea of biology and caring came together to form one profession. I guess you could say I was a biology nerd and I loved it. It's so interesting because in high school I was close to my biology teacher and I told him he was one of the reasons why I wanted to go into nursing. He really pushed me as a student and I still message him to this day. I was in an advanced biology course in grade 12 and it was my favourite class in school. I would even stay around his classroom after school to ask him questions or to study. He was like a fatherly figure to me, and I wish I had the time to visit him like I promised.
Even though this nursing journey has just begun for me, I love to learn everyday and I find humility within it. Taking care of the sickest of the sick with not just medicine but though kindness and caring is the best source of healing. I find that when I complain about all the trials in my life, I look at my patients and think that they have it worse. Not to compare myself, but I find reassurance through them that it'll get better. Whoever wants to become a nurse, I will support you all the way. Whenever I feel that this is too much for me, I always remember why I am here and who is it for. It is the most challenging thing I've ever done but at the end of the day, I wouldn't ask for anything else.
- April
DEALING WITH FAILURE
As I am writing this, today was probably the worst day of my life. Instead of crying for the thousandth time or ranting, I sit here in a cafe writing in my blog. Today, I failed my term 3 clinical, but for some reason, I am not upset. As I sit here writing my experience about failure, I don't feel like a failure and I'm not. Today, I had the courage to try counselling, today I made a new friend, and today I helped my classmates in class. Today, I was me, and I am not a failure. I am hardworking, beautiful (according to this guy selling me shawarma lmao) and I am a child of God. Today, I went to mass and I was at peace. Today, I told my parents I loved them and today I am slowly seeing the bigger picture. Even though I had to let go of my pride and accept that my body needed a break. Today, I accepted that I am sick and I needed help. That's something I didn't want to admit. But somehow, it all works out and I am not filled with anger or bitterness. I am accepting and willing to take a break for the sake of my health and my patients.
Few weeks past and it still hard to accept, even after I killed it at finals and brought all my grades up (thank God), I still have this emptiness inside of me. "I should've passed right?" or "I was the most deserving and worked my ass off, but yet I'm the one failing, why?". I texted a friend, he said to me that we're here for a purpose. Not sure what that is, but I'll just explore for myself. As of now, I am trying to enjoy my winter break and what's to come for me.
Never give up on yourself, even when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders suffocating you. Don't give up.
- April