GROWTH
personal experiences & testimonies
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Nursing Journey: Reasons why
I remember constantly getting the question "April, why do you want to become a nurse? That's so filipino of you". Yes, I am filipino but I chose to become a nurse for different reasons other than my race. In the beginning of the program I actually didn't know why, but I knew God was telling me it was meant for me.
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The first reason was that I found joy in helping people. Growing up, I was known to be the "kind/nice" one. That everyone would turn to me if they needed help. Whether it was emotional or physical help, I was there. A part of me really enjoyed the feeling of helping someone. It like a warm feeling in my heart whenever someone appreciates me. I find it very fulfilling to put others before myself.
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The second reason was that I wanted to do it for my mom. Growing up my mom wanted to be a nurse but she couldn't afford in the Philippines. If she could do it she would, but she didn't have the financial support like I do. Everyday I am grateful I can afford school and have this opportunity in Canada. Everyday I appreciate everything my mom has been through for me. So for this, I'm doing for her.
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Lastly, I loved the idea of biology and caring came together to form one profession. I guess you could say I was a biology nerd and I loved it. It's so interesting because in high school I was close to my biology teacher and I told him he was one of the reasons why I wanted to go into nursing. He really pushed me as a student and I still message him to this day. I was in an advanced biology course in grade 12 and it was my favourite class in school. I would even stay around his classroom after school to ask him questions or to study. He was like a fatherly figure to me, and I wish I had the time to visit him like I promised.
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Even though this nursing journey has just begun for me, I love to learn everyday and I find humility within it. Taking care of the sickest of the sick with not just medicine but though kindness and caring is the best source of healing. I find that when I complain about all the trials in my life, I look at my patients and think that they have it worse. Not to compare myself, but I find reassurance through them that it'll get better. Whoever wants to become a nurse, I will support you all the way. Whenever I feel that this is too much for me, I always remember why I am here and who is it for. It is the most challenging thing I've ever done but at the end of the day, I wouldn't ask for anything else.
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- April
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DEALING WITH FAILURE
As I am writing this, today was probably the worst day of my life. Instead of crying for the thousandth time or ranting, I sit here in a cafe writing in my blog. Today, I failed my term 3 clinical, but for some reason, I am not upset. As I sit here writing my experience about failure, I don't feel like a failure and I'm not. Today, I had the courage to try counselling, today I made a new friend, and today I helped my classmates in class. Today, I was me, and I am not a failure. I am hardworking, beautiful (according to this guy selling me shawarma lmao) and I am a child of God. Today, I went to mass and I was at peace. Today, I told my parents I loved them and today I am slowly seeing the bigger picture. Even though I had to let go of my pride and accept that my body needed a break. Today, I accepted that I am sick and I needed help. That's something I didn't want to admit. But somehow, it all works out and I am not filled with anger or bitterness. I am accepting and willing to take a break for the sake of my health and my patients.
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Few weeks past and it still hard to accept, even after I killed it at finals and brought all my grades up (thank God), I still have this emptiness inside of me. "I should've passed right?" or "I was the most deserving and worked my ass off, but yet I'm the one failing, why?". I texted a friend, he said to me that we're here for a purpose. Not sure what that is, but I'll just explore for myself. As of now, I am trying to enjoy my winter break and what's to come for me.
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Never give up on yourself, even when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders suffocating you. Don't give up.
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- April
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